in your arms❤

dont you miss me anymore ):

really miss you alot baby,
thought you'd call me at 4pm today,
its 12mn and im still waiting..
sigh
where are you?

posted by caia-reis @ 8:41 AM 0 Comments

just spent like 3 hours talking to you about our problems
thought that its really scary for me to change to someone i really dont know anymore,
its just like me being in a foreign body..

its really tough being a navy boy's girlfriend
always having to cope with the emptiness of being alone.
so much so, ive became tougher than i imagined,
even up till the extent it doesnt matter anymore if youre by my side.

but this isnt love is it?
i need this pull, this feeling of attachment..
instead of this sense of detachment i feel

all i know is that i wanna treasure each and every min i spend with you.
why does this simple wish seem so unattainable?

the times i used to cuddle in your arms..
hear you whisper sweet nothings to me..
look into your eyes and feel like theres no one else in the world..

has been engulfed by.
the lonliness and sorrow that torments my very soul.

ps: i still love you.. nevertheless

posted by caia-reis @ 4:21 PM 0 Comments

posted by caia-reis @ 7:42 PM 0 Comments

wonder if you remember the song,
thats when i love you.

yesterday was when roy and i had a major tiff again
at the ending point,
it just snapped to me that
we really have alot of problems, misconceptions about each other.
and i guess as much as i felt hurt
he felt equally hurt.

dont know why this quarrell has really gotten to me
cause i guess its when i can finally hear what roy has to say about me.
you've always wanted to hear what roy has to say about you isnt it caia?
now you have,
and are you this affected because you cant deal with what he said?

i really never thought i was such a bad girlfriend
i always tried to understand that you're busy
and knew that i shouldnt bother you when youre at work
i feel as much as i am important,
you work is important as well
no matter how lonely i feel sometimes,
i make it a point not to bother you.
now i know i havent been doing enough.

im sorry that i came up with the plan for you to stay at home
i thought it'd be better for both of us
having something to follow
i never knew it wasnt.

i tried my best.

do you remember sweet things about me or even us?
how i thought you'd be lonely at obo, just wanted to let you know i was there for you, by packing little presents for the 21st every month,

how we used to sit at esplanede talking till wee hours of the morning

how we cleaned each other's wounds after the accident, smile at you when you're feeling so guilty, cause you know i'll never blame you.

do you remember?

why is it that we're now a couple that has barely anything to speak about,can barely make time for each other in our hectic lives, why are we so distant from each other, why?

yes im crying that irks you. we're just two different people.
i need someone to dote on me, i need to feel loved.
and youre not the sort that will do so

baby you've hurt me badly.

my heart has broken into a million pieces
though i dont know how long it will take to heal
i'll glue those pieces back for you
because..
i love you..
do you?

if one day,
fifty years from now
you sit back and think about our r/s
will there be beautiful memories for you to smile at?
i know you might not remember anymore

but i will,
and i will smile
cause i know i love you.
with all my heart..

posted by caia-reis @ 7:04 PM 0 Comments

pain

dear diary,
i feel theres something wrong btw me and him.
i feel this distance between us,
which kinda upsets me.
i really feel its kinda hard for me to talk or communicate with him.

he has this habit of snapping at me
or talking to me in a really rude manner,
trust me diary,
i've always been trying to give in.
even though i'm upset but nothing seems to be changing
i guess its my fault for not being able to accept him for who he is
but then again,
if he really loves me,
why does he always react in this way.

i feel the pain after the accident diary,
its just like his bike is more important than anything else
my wrist hurt so badly after the accident
but i lied, i lied that i wanted to get my wounds dressed
i lied it didnt hurt one bit,
but it does, i just didnt want him to be worried or feel guilty
baby baby, i'm hurting cant you see
baby, when i say it doesnt hurt,
it doesnt mean it really doesnt.
i just need that bit of care that bit of concern from you
i just need..
to feel loved,
like theres someone there for you.

if one day i aint by your side anymore,
would you smile and tell me that you dont regret anything
cause youve done all you can in a relationship.
or would you look at me and tell me you regret not doing so many things you should have

baby baby we're drifiting apart
cant you see,
hold me tight,
tell me everythings gonna be fine.
i feel so alone
all alone.

do you still love me?
this is what i need to know..

posted by caia-reis @ 10:46 AM 0 Comments

i've been studying about societal expectations of women
and i've finally realised that men actually do set double standards
yesterday i was talking to roy
and i replied him in the demanding tone he always replys me in
conscious of the fact he always speaks to me in that way
he's unable to accept it
and told me "if you continue speaking to me like this, i wont talk to you"
i was just convinced that he might be the one for me
but after hearing this
i've realised,
i've been awfully wrong

why am i out so late?
cause i know if i go home
i'll probably be asleep by the time you reach ship
and i wanna wait for you.

i've finally found someone i could talk to
yet you choose to tell me
to go home early

you do not care about me
and how much i need someone by my side
a friend to confide in
you're just pathologically insecure

think!

posted by caia-reis @ 10:06 PM 0 Comments

i guess today you just proved my point
me being right to say i'm just a platform for you to take a break on for the time being
i guess i'm nothing to you
really, i'm tired
you arent ready.

and you never will be.
thanks for letting me see how important i am to you
i've given up
our kid means nothing
really nothing at all isnt it
its just wishful thinking on my part isnt it

i will walk away with my head held high
you do not have to chase me

Labels: courage, disappointment, hurt, pain

posted by caia-reis @ 12:51 AM 0 Comments